Here I am.

My thoughts tonight.

Alright. Just a warning, I’m tired, and this post will probably be confusing and things will probably be incorrect, and possibly offending. Sorry.

I am a woman of God.

As a woman of God, I want to do whatever I can to help the amazing people in my life become closer to Christ. As well as I am sure they wish this for me. One thing that has been on my heart a whole lot is the topic of modesty. 

You hear all the time that “modest is hottest”, but what does that even mean? 

Here’s my little take on that:

All of the time, I will hear people in class saying that all they want is a man to really love them for who they are and appreciate them and not their body. How exactly do you expect that to happen when you are wearing skin tight little booty shorts and a low cut tank top? 

I mean, I’m not a guy, so I don’t really know how this all works, but I do know that by putting ourselves out there as sexual objects does not make it easy for men to live in a lust free life style. 

And I’m not trying to make it seem like men are so much more lustful then women, because it’s a two way street, but I just feel like women need to respect themselves, and they need to respect their brothers, by being modest.

Above all else, guard your heart,
    for everything you do flows from it. -Proverbs 4:23

Heal my heart and make it clean.

It’s funny how on the nights where the world expects you to have it all together, you fall apart. 

It’s my nineteenth birthday, shouldn’t I be all excited and stuff? Not really. 

I can’t help but think about the past eighteen years of my life. Have I really committed everything I do to glorifying Christ? It’s a constant ribbon of thoughts running through my head. 

I am so blessed. I have two freaking wonderful parents, who are happily married. I have two siblings who have been extremely amazing role models for me. I have been constantly surrounded by friends my whole life, and yet I constantly turn from God. 

I constantly turn away from realizing the awe of my creator. I doubt Him, I disobey Him,  I ignore Him. It’s cruel really. I am nothing but a sinner.

And now consider the awe, that our God loves us so much, that even though he has clearly blessed me, so much more than I could’ve ever deserved, He still sent His son to die on the cross, for me. 

God loves me so freaking much, and I have been turning away from Him. 

I’ve been choosing the perceptions of other humans and how they view me over how God views me. I’ve been trying to please other people. I’ve been changing who I really am and who God created me to be, to please people and I’ve finally come to realize that all I want to do in life is BRING GOD GLORY.

I want to give Him the glory He deserves. 

Woah baby.

I leave for Nicaragua in like… 45 days. Holy smokes. This is going to be fantastic.